#tbt October 4th

On Saturday, October 4, 2014, my then husband told me that marriage wasn’t what he expected it to be. He told me he wanted out. I remember feeling a rush of every negative emotion possible in a matter of seconds. I was devastated and disappointed. That feeling lasted way after he actually left, which was a couple of months after. It took a long time to work through those emotions and to forgive… myself and him.

 

Fast forward a little. It seemed like one bad thing was happening right after another. Separation, single parenthood, being laid off from my job, financial struggles, depression. When I was in the midst of that very dark season, it was impossible for me to understand how any of this could “work together for the good” as we, as believers, are instructed to believe. Once I accepted what had happened, sought godly counsel, and began spending a whole lot of time with my Creator, I was finally able to transition and begin the healing process.

 

Healing takes time. That period of time varies by person, but one thing is true. If you want to move forward, you MUST allow yourself to heal PROPERLY. And I am thankful that I’ve been able to do that. One reason why I’m so excited about the release of this new music is because it symbolizes a new “chapter” in my life. After experiencing my “Chapter Five”, I spent time reflecting. It was during that time that I received revelation. Those revelations, prayers, thoughts, declarations, and so forth, are the words that are recorded in my heap of journals... and are now on this record. Now that those lyrics are about to be released into the atmosphere, my prayer is that my story is an example of the restoration power of God and that it serves as a beacon of hope to someone who feels like their current “chapter” is too hard to bear. Know this, love: (1) You’re not alone and (2) your story doesn't end on this current chapter. 

More to come on November 29th....

 

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Chapter Five: HFD

And exhale.

Well, it’s done. I’ve just shared the first new single from my upcoming album. Exciting, right?! So why the dramatic exhale? I’m glad you asked. Of course, I am beyond excited to share this new music. With that also comes a tremendous amount of anxiety. You see, I’ve ever been this open in “public” about my personal life. My older lyrics were more modest with hidden messages that you probably would never know about unless I told you myself. On "Chapter Five", I share prayers, thought processes and more from a huge transformational period in my life. This album is the most transparent I’ve ever been in my writing... Hence the cover art. I can hear my mom's voice in my head, "Bobbi! Is she naked??" Yes, ma'am. She is naked. Haha

The album artwork was created by a super dope artist named Jessica Ryan Walker. Jessica and I share a mutual friend, and after seeing her work, I knew I had to meet her. Initially, I spoke with Jessica about creating an original piece for the album; however, after months of analyzing her piece “Garden of Yoni”, I knew it was the one. Though the typical person would probably focus on the sexuality of the piece, I couldn’t help but admire the spirituality of it. I will share more about this in another blog post for the sake of time. Lol

This first single, HFD (Happy Father’s Day), is an honest declaration of my perspective as it pertains to parents who are not active in their children’s life. Although it’s a heavy topic, it’s what I felt at the time it was written. And even if only two other people ever hear this track, it sure has helped me to release. For that, I am thankful. This song isn’t written to one particular person or situation. It’s simply a call to action... to examine and rectify the way some of us are handling parenting, co-parenting and single parenting in our culture. I’d love to hear your thoughts! I’m [usually] open to conversation. :-)

Peace and love, Bobbi 

Session Lesson

Session at Playground Studio in Durham, NC 

Session at Playground Studio in Durham, NC 

Today we are mixing HFD. I'm hoping we are still able to release it on June 8. Very important (for reasons I'll explain later). On my way to this session, so much was going through my mind as I was trying to get in the right mode. From Pancake Saturday (the mama) to Ms. Bobbi J (the music maker)... I have to admit. I've been giving myself a hard time. 

I was feeling like it's taking me too long to get this album out there. I mean, it's been four years since I've written or recorded any of my music. That's a long time! With all the scheduling and financial constraints that come with being a working single parent, I'd get frustrated that I wasn't getting in the studio as much as I could release the album on my own timeline. Furthermore, I wasn't getting as much done in each session as I'd imagined I would. When I was in grad school, I could knock out an entire song in like 1.5 hours. Oh how things have changed! 

But that's reality. Maybe it has been a [long] minute since I've done any studio recording. Maybe it'll take a little longer that I anticipated. But you know what? That's ok! I have to remind myself of my WHY. I believe I'm suppose to share the music on this upcoming album. I believe God wants me to share these stories and testimonies with others. These songs have helped me to heal, and I believe they will help others. I have to remind myself of Proverbs 3:5-6 which says that I must "Trust in the Lord with all my heart and don't depend on my own understanding. Seek His will in all that I do, and He will show me which path to take".  

Things may not always happen how and when you think they should. But if you truly believe the Lord has started a work (project, book, organization, album), He will complete it. It won't necessarily be on your timeline, and you have to be OK with that. Surrender. Trust the process. Contrary to popular belief, it's not all about the destination. It's about the journey. Give your process the time it deserves. As my engineer says, "It'll take as long as it takes". 

Peace and love.